After my third book was published I took a sabbatical from my book career. I feel obligated to explain why I left and why I’ve returned. I left because my wife’s health was deteriorating. I spent more time with her, including helping assist her leadership and contribution to community activism. Over time my support increased to where I became a leader on some local issues. Not writing was made easier because several of the issues we tackled greatly affected people’s lives.
Along the way, I confirmed it’s easier to write about heroes and heroines fighting the good fight for the right reasons and overcoming a series of obstacles — than doing it. During that time her health deteriorated until she passed. Dealing with my wife’s death lengthened the time I stayed away from writing fiction.
After her passing, I gained some insights that led me to write the Happy Heaven Day card, below. The first insight is that our society celebrates all types of milestones in people’s lives with cheerful positive cards to encourage the recipient to enjoy life. Cards for a happy birthday, happy valentine’s day, happy anniversary, congratulations on graduating 8th grade/junior high/high school, congratulations on getting married, getting a new job, even getting a divorce.
The second insight is that our society repeatedly portrays the death of loved ones as a wholly negative event. It overemphasizes the loss to those of us living, including only giving condolence cards. Over time I came to conclude that approach is very one-sided toward the living and in some ways disrespectful of the person who died.
The third insight was that I was clueless about the pain and emotions before I experienced the black grief of losing someone I dearly loved. Plus, I was not trained or pre-armed by family or society to handle the grief in a healing manner. And if you haven’t yet experienced such a loss, you too are clueless.
Some of you may see my card as an acceptance. Some may see it as a love letter. Some may totally disagree. But my hope is that sharing this approach may help those that know the pain I talk of. Maybe it will help them heal by saying a Happy Heaven Day prayer or writing and reading a Happy Heaven Day card to their loved one, whether it is a daughter or son, mom or dad, aunt or uncle, cousin, grandparent, or dear friend. If you think it might help, then please share this healing approach with them.
So here is the card I gave to Joanna Lakey Mitchell.
HAPPY HEAVEN DAY
My Love,
I have accepted important changes in my life since I held you in my arms on our wedding anniversary telling you “I love you”. And then feeling your life force flash through my body before the medical monitors began beeping.
The first is that I am happy that you reached heaven, a goal you worked to achieve all your life. I know this because of the sign you sent me after I asked the Holy Mother to help you. Thank you for showing me you made it and that you’re okay on the other side of the veil.
I’ve also accepted that if God granted me the power to bring you back — I would not.
During all the years we had together, I worked to keep you warm and well and wanted the best for you. So, bringing you back would be the opposite of my concern for you all the years that you struggled with pain and heart surgeries. It would not be an act of love. It would be selfish. Instead, I cherish the thought of you in the light, with the God of kindness, and happy among those you love who passed before you. Knowing you are safe, and finally well, is comforting.
So instead of mourning the day you left me, I celebrate the day you arrived in heaven. I wish you Happy Heaven Day!
Yes, grief still ambushes me. A song, a piece of clothing, a souvenir, a holiday decoration, or passing a place we visited. Each often triggers a memory of how much you meant to me and how much I miss you. Then, sadness hammers my body and tears flow from my soul. Other times I feel adrift and reluctant to make changes. But I have learned to reduce the crushing pain and hesitation. I focus on you being in heaven, then recall one or several of the string of moments that created the incredible life that I feel so lucky to have had with you. The many photos you took of our journey together also bring me cherished memories. Thank you.
But what if I am not accepted into the light and never see you again — that would be Hell. So, each day I continue to try to do the right thing, to make others laugh, to bring a bit of comfort into their life or offer advice with compassion when they are challenged, sad, or in pain. I try to be like you always were.
So my beloved, until my judgment day and forever … no matter what … I love you.
From: Author Ed Mitchell
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Your wife was so beautiful, as I’m sure you well know. I loved your Happy Heaven Day card and will share it with many. I agree with you that getting to heaven is the main focus of our lives. One day, I hope to achieve heaven, just like your sweet wife. God bless you and your family Ed. One day I hope to meet you too, in heaven. Christ peace be upon you.